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Owen Pallett
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I Am Not Afraid
I am not afraid, ze said, of the non-believer within me. No delight at the pain of my enemies no tears for any friends I have lost. You are not alone, I said. It is a trial to keep my belief suspended. I leave my violin unattended in a cab or a restaurant. And then when ze started to sing, nobody could've called them crazy, an open chord forever unchanging, a holy eternal drone. I'll never have any children, I'd bear them and eat them, my children. I'm gonna change my body by the light and the shadow of your suspicion. I am no longer afraid. The truth doesn't terrify us, terrify us. My salvation is found in discipline, discipline, discipline. I haven't smoked in seven years. But I will catch a drag if you are smoking. They tell you to chew on a toothpick they tell you to take a deep breath. What is better is to punch a wall. To bin the boxes of your old love letters. To be impassive to the words that could save you. To need to see the world as ash. And I'll never have any children, I would bear them and confuse them, my children. And I'm not afraid of changing but I don't know what good it would do me. I am no longer afraid. The truth doesn't terrify us, terrify us. My salvation is found in discipline, discipline, discipline.
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