The Night Before Christmas
On the night before Christmas I was sitting in my house.
There wouldn't nothing moving around not even a mouse.
The socks were hung up by the fireplace to dry.
And hopes that ol' Santa claus would bring me some pie.
My children are grown so nobody's in bed.
Then I got the sound of duck calls stuck in my head.
Mama's in her gown, I got on my cap.
And I ain't tired cause I had a three hour nap!
When all of a sudden I heard a big crash.
I figured it was coons digging in the trash.
I went to the window and slipped on my shoes.
Cause I don't like critters snooping around in my refuge.
Now the moon was bright and there was no sight of snow.
And hey I have the eyes of an eagle just so you know.
When all of a sudden what seemed to appear was a tiny little tree stand and a whole lot of deer.
I knew I seen him he was acting kind of silly.
And I was convinced It could only be Willie.
He was yelling a screaming calling out names.
And those deer started movin' and all those suckers came.
And I thought he said' Hey Dancer hey Prancer and Spencer maybe Comet and something about Cupid Donner and Splitzer.' Let's head to the roof from there they would spring.
These deer had magical powers and all of them had wings!
Now I took off my glasses cause this was too weird.
Big bucks turing into ducks is what seemed to appear?
Hey they suckled around and I swear that they flew.
These deer had my garbage and big ol' Willie in there too.
And then in a flash they was tearin' up my roof.
I heard the stomping and chomping of each little hoof.
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I drew out my pistol not knowing what to say.
Down the fireplace came Willie he must have got away!
He had on a meek coat from his bandana to his foot and his clothes were all messy covered in ashes and soot.
He had my bag of garbage flung over his back.
And he looked like a fat racoon lookin' for a snack.
As I stood there wondering why he was not in bed.
I yelled '
I don't have any cookies you crazy knucklehead!' His mouth was wide open as he stood there in shock.
And I realized I was in my tidy-whities with only a top.
Willie looked like he was smokin a pipe.
I know I never seen that and it didn't seem right.
Not sure if it was Willie's face but no doubt it was his belly.
With the unmistakable shake cause Willie loves his jelly.
Willie's chubby and plump like a fat little mouse.
And I got tickled at seeing him and said '
Why are you at my house?' He winked at me and smiled as he sat down his stash.
I saw it was not my garbage and certainly not my trash.
Hey this cat didn't say word and he pulled out some toys and not just cheap crap.
This stuff was for big boys.
He was doing a job and was going to work.
And this could not be Willie cause hey he's a jerk.
He left me some goodies and sprang into the air.
I wasn't sure what I just saw but hey I didn't care.
And heard him yell out as he left with his pack '
Merry Christmas to all and to all a goodnight jack.'