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Adam Sandler
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The Buffoon And The Dean Of Admissions
'And now a buffoon's meeting with the dean of admissions at a
prestigious college.'
Dean: 'Well Michael, I would like to extend my warmest congradulations
on your upcoming graduation and I understand you are interested in
matriculating here in the fall.'
Buffoon: 'I got a snake, man!'
Dean: 'Yes, pets are welcome here on campus. Be it the traditional dog,
or cat, or even the occasional reptile.'
Buffoon: 'One time I fed it some beer man! It was slithering this way
and that! It was all fucked up!'
Dean: 'I'm sure it was. Well we discourage inappropriate drinking among
both students and pets here on campus.'
Buffoon: 'Fuckin' Shit!'
Dean: 'Yes, that's a not uncommon reaction to this policy. So tell me a
little bit more about your background.'
Buffoon: 'My father's a fucking asshole, man!'
Dean: 'Hmm, I see. Your feelings of rebelion are not unusual at your age
son.'
Buffoon: 'My mother's a piece of shit too!'
Dean: 'Well, I hope you can find an outlet for your hostility over the
summer so you can come to school in the fall relaxed and ready to
learn.'
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Buffoon: 'My teacher in high school was a stupid bitch, man! She had her
head way up her ass!'
Dean: 'Well the quality of the faculty at a University such as ours far
exceeds that of a local public high school.'
Buffoon: 'Your secretary's a real fat bitch, man!'
Dean: 'Yes, she's tried many diets over the years with minimal success.'
Buffoon: 'I had diarhea last month. I had to shit all fucking day!'
Dean: 'Uh huh, Well we all get the occasional stomach bug, never a
pleasurable experience. So have you given any thought to your choice of
major?'
Buffoon: 'I've got a big fucking boner right now.'
Dean: 'I see. Well sexual arrousal is not uncommon during periods of
nervous tension. I do not take offense.'
Buffoon: 'One time I ate my neighbors shit!'
Dean: 'That's understandable. Well, I enjoyed meeting you. We'll be
sending you our decision by the end of the month.'
Buffoon: 'I bet you got really hairy balls.'
Dean: 'Yes, it's a veritable forest down there. Bye bye.'
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