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The Beards
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If Your Dad Doesn't Have A Beard, You've Got To Mums
Remember when you were fourteen
Your dad taught you to shave
That wasn't a very fatherly way for him to behave
You had to watch your first beard
Floating down the drain
A beard abandoned
A son betrayed
Your dad taught you how
And look at you now
Cause if your dad doesn't have a beard
You've got two mums
Two beardless mums
If your dad doesn't have a beard
You've got two mums
Two beardless mums
Remember how he watched
Your face lathered with cream
The mirror fogging over
As the bathroom filled with steam
He put the razor in your hand
And said 'now, let's begin
'Shave with short quick strokes my son
'And head toward the chin'
Your dad taught you how
And look at you now
Because if your dad doesn't have a beard
You've got two mums
Two beardless mums
If your dad doesn't have a beard
You've got two mums
Two beardless mums
Oh, you've got two beardless mums, yeah
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And you know I can't stand to see a child
Put through that much pain
When he knows that he'll never see
His first beard again
And you know there is no greater crime
Against the human race
Than when a father takes a razor
To his own son's face
Oh, your dad taught you how
You're just like him now
Cause if your dad doesn't have a beard (dad doesn't have a beard)
You've got two mums
Two beardless mums (two beardless mums)
Oh, if your dad doesn't have a beard (dad doesn't have a beard)
You've got two
stupid-looking
beardless
fucking
mums
Cause if your dad doesn't have a beard
You've got two mums
Two beardless mums
If your dad doesn't have a beard
You've got two mums
Two beardless mums
Two beardless mums, yeah yeah
Two beardless mums, all right
Two beardless mums (two beardless mums)
Two beardless mums
Two beardless mums
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