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Mitch Hedberg
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Pop
i had a Mr.pip
Mr.pip is the replida of Dr.Pepper
but it's the bullshit replica
cause dude didn't even get his degree
why did you have to drop out and start making pot so soon
the comercial for diet Dr.pepper
says it tartes just like regular Dr.Pepper
well the they fucked up
I went to a doctor
all he did was suck blood from my neck
don't go see Dr.Acula
i want to hang a map of the world in my house
and thm i'm gonna but pins in all the locations
that i've travelled to
but first i'm gonna travel to the top two corners
of the map so it won't fall down
you know, people think i'm into sports just because
i'm a man
I'm not into sports i mean i like gatorade
but that's about as far as it goes
and by the way you don't have to be sweaty
and holding a basketball to enjoy a gatorade
you can just be... a thisty dude
Gatorade forgets about this demographic
i'm thirsty for absolutly no reason
other than the fact that liquid has not touched my lips
for quite some time
can i have a Gatorade too?
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or does that lightning bolt mean no
yeah i'm not into sports
if i had an athleats foot
my first reaction would be
'that's not my fucking foot'
i don't want to have my face in the cover of a Weedis box
i want to have my face in the cover of a Rice Crispies box
Snap, crackle, Mitch and pop
hey, how the fuck did he do that?
well in holywood it's all who you know
and i know Crackle
i saw an HBO advertising a boxing match
it said: it's a fight to the finish
that's a good place to end
every Mcdonald's commercial end the same way, right?
Mcdonald's commercials end like this
prices and participations may vary
now i want to open a Mcdonald's
and not participate in anything
i wanna be a stubborn Mcdonald's owner
i say cheeseburgers?
nope
we got spagghetti and blanckets
but we're not affiliated with that clown
he attracts too many children
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