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Brian Regan
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Stupid In School (Live)
I don't know. I'd be a lot better off if I would've studied more when I was growing up, you know?
But you know, the day where it all went wrong for me... was the day of the spelling bee. It was up until that day that I was an idiot, but nobody else knew, you know?
Then the spelling bee day popped up.
Allright kids, up against the wall. It time for public humiliation.
Spell a word wrong, sit down in front of your friends. That would be great for little egos,
Hey look at me, I'm a moron! I wasn't even close! I was using numbers and stuff!
That's why I admired that kid who spelled it wrong just so he could sit down, you know? He knew he wasn't going to win, so why stand there for 3 hours? First round,
'Cat' k-a-t, I'm outta here.
Then as he passed you,
I know there's 2 't's.
I remember my teacher asked me, Brian, what's the i before e rule?
I before e... ALWAYS.
What are you, an idiot, Brian?
Apparently.
No, Brian, it's I before E EXCEPT after C, AND when sounding like A as in neighbor and weigh, and on weekends and holidays and all throughout May, and you'll always be wrong no matter WHAT you say!
That's a hard rule. That's a— that's a rough rule.
Plurals were hard, too.
Brian, how do you make a word a plural?
You put a 's'… you put a 's' at the end of it.
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When?
On weekends and holidays!!!
No, Brian. Let me show you.
So she asked this kid who knew everything. Erwin.
Erwin, what's the plural for ox?
Oxen. The farmer used his oxen. Brian?
What?
Brian, what's the plural for box? Boxen. I bought 2 boxen of doughnuts. No, Brian, no! Let's try another one. Erwin, what's the plural for goose? Geese. I saw a flock... of geese.
Brian!
Wha-at? Brian, what's the plural for MOOSE?
MOOSEN!! I saw a flock of moosen! There were many of 'em. Many much moosen. Out in the woods—in the woodes—in the woodsen. The meese wantin' the food. Food is to eatenesen! THE MEESE WANT THE FOOD IN THE WOODENESEN! THE FOOD IN THE WOODYENESEN!
BRIAN! Brian... you're an imbecile.
Imbecilen!
What are you speaking? German, Brian?
German. Jermain! Jermaine Jackson! Jackson Five. Tito!
Brian, what the heck are you talking about!?
I don't know. I don't know, really...
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