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Rex Harrison
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Why Can't the English?
Look at her, a prisoner of the gutter
Condemned by every syllable she ever uttered
By law she should be taken out and hung
For the cold-blooded murder of the English tongue
Eliza
Aaoooww
Henry (imitating her)
Aaoooww
Heaven's... What a noise
This is what the British population
Calls an elementary education
Pickering
Oh Counsel, I think you picked a poor example
Henry
Did I hear them down in Soho square
Dropping 'h's' everywhere
Speaking English anyway they like
You sir, did you go to school
Man
Wadaya tike me for, a fool
Henry
No one taught him 'take' instead of 'tike
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak
This verbal class distinction, by now
Should be antique
If you spoke as she does, sir
Instead of the way you do
Why, you might be selling flowers, too
Hear a Yorkshireman, or worse
Hear a Cornishman converse
I'd rather hear a choir singing flat
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Chickens cackling in a barn
Just like this one
Eliza
Garn
Henry
I ask you, sir, what sort of word is that
It's 'Aoooow' and 'Garn' that keep her in her place
Not her wretched clothes and dirty face
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak
This verbal class distinction by now should be antique
If you spoke as she does, sir
Instead of the way you do
Why, you might be selling flowers, too
An Englishman's way of speaking absolutely classifies him
The moment he talks he makes some other Englishman despise him
One common language I'm afraid we'll never get
Oh, why can't the English learn to set
A good example to people whose English is painful to your ears?
The Scotch and the Irish leave you close to tears
There even are places where English completely disappears
In America, they haven't used it for years
Why can't the English teach their children how to speak
Norwegians learn Norwegian
The Greeks have taught their Greek
In France every Frenchman knows his language fro 'A' to 'Zed'
The French never care what they do, actually
As long as they pronounce in properly
Arabians learn Arabian with the speed of summer lightning
And Hebrews learn it backwards, which is absolutely frightening
But use proper English you're regarded as a freak
Why can't the English
Why can't the English learn to speak.
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