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Martin Mull
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Ventriloquist Love
Once we was happy
As Kukla and Fran
Oh you looked like a woman
So I felt like a man.
We didn't have no big Rolls Royce
But we was happy now, wasn't we Joyce?
And then you went away to night school
And learned to throw your voice.
Ventriloquist love
It ain't such a groove
Whenever I kiss you,
Your lips never move.
But you'd practice for hours
With the bedroom door shut
You and your dummy
Little Charlie McNutt
And everyone thought he was so cute
In his little yellow suit.
But then one night you broke him.
And made me substitute.
Ventriloquist love
It ain't such a groove
Whenever I kiss you,
Your lips never move.
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Honey, I did love you in the worst kind of way.
I loved you every night and every day
And oh what a thrill, I remember it still,
When I asked would you marry me
And you said: (ventriloquist voice) 'I will!'
Ventriloquist love
It ain't such a groove
Whenever I kiss you,
Your lips never move.
But that night at that party
You threw it all away
Oh I'll never live down, honey
The things you forced me to say.
You made a pass at every guy
Oh lord I wanted just to curl up and die
Cause you made the words come from me
Now I can't look 'em in the eye.
Cuz the things they're thinking
Are hard to disprove
Cuz whenever I kiss you
Your lips never move
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