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Jim Bob
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Cartoon Dad
I thought the streets were paved with gold
I always thought my fortune flowed
All along the River Thames
From Westminster to Southend
Into the sea
I thought I'd find it at the heart
Of every garden and Royal Park
Where money grows on trees
Beneath the moon that's made of cheese
But the ground beneath my feet
Was just tarmac and concrete
The road sticking to my Converse
As it melted in the heat
Of a muggy Monday morning
Through the smog of global warming
The sun would not be blocked
By any cream bought from a shop
On a busy London high street
That looked just like any other
As it was filmed from every angle
For a voyeuristic Big Brother
The opening of another
Tesco Metro supermarket
Girls leaving the Body Shop
For the nearest Golden Arches
And if a horror film or snuff movie
Was captured on the cameras
It could be used in court as evidence
Which didn't mean much to the families
In a crematorium where the left side
Of the stereo wasn't working
For the song that played as it conveyed
The coffin through the curtains
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Using all my cartoon superpower
I scaled the face of St. Stephen's Tower
And looking down across my manor
Unfurled my stupid protest banner
The tourists watching from the wheel
With their camera phones and Happy Meals
Suspected a PR stunt
And secretly they hoped I'd jump
And break my neck but not be killed
On the electric fence that had just been built
If we keep the terrorists at bay
Maybe they'll just go away
And leave us to mount our challenge
To all the Americans who thought
Our service could never be as lousy
As the service in New York
At fifteen minutes to the hour
I climbed down from St. Stephen's Tower
For cigarettes and Lucozade
For the police and the fire brigade
Dr. Samuel Johnson
You were very nearly right
I was tired of London
But I would never tire of life
Mighty Mouse is on his way
Here I come to save the day
From the tower of Big Ben
Flying south across the Thames
Faster than the speed of sound
High above the Underground
With my supermarket bag
Just another cartoon dad
In London town
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