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The Jane Austen Argument
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Staying Single
Everyone I flirt with has another lover I discover,
Or they want to keep me for eternity.
Everyone I sleep with has a pre-existing non-commitment,
Or need a place to live with urgency.
And where's the fun in that?
No thanks,
I think I'm staying single
Oh, oh.
I think I'm staying single.
Oh oh oh oh.
And the ants go marching two by two
Into the night without emerging
Urging me to stay at home and watch TV,
And at 5am I hear them screaming
Empty words devoid of meaning
It could be orgasm or agony
And where's the fun in that?
No thanks,
I think I'm staying single
Oh oh Oh oh oh Oh oh
I think I'm staying single
oOh Oh oh Oh oh Ooh,
But at night there's nothing finer
Than being home with wine
And I'm ignoring all the signs of my own
nunnery
But if someone were to love me they hold that love above me
and I'd never get enough of all their want and need
And they'd play the game, and then I'd lose
I'd rip it up, and kill the mood
And then I'd give them attitude
No way, I think I'm staying single
Fuck you
Oh wait no, let's not
Cus I'm staying single
Keep yourself to yourself
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Because I'm staying single
And I don't really care if you're in an open relationship,
Because technically fuckwit that still means that you're taken
And I'm staying single
You left me for a midget nazi
So I'm staying single
You took all of my money and you ran away to Canberra
What the fuck is the point of Canberra as a city anyway?
So I'm staying single
(Audience contributions
Turns out
We were related,
So I'm staying single,
Dumped at a sorority ball, waking up next to her roomate unwittingly one month later I'm staying single
His sister was in love with me and when I told him his reaction was like 'Oh yeah I knew that'
Fuckin' staying single
I learned the hard-way you can't text message break up
Frowny-face
To all of her friends except me
So I'm staying single
My dad caught his girlfriend fucking his dog,
True story ask Sally,
So I'm staying single
I've never had a boyfriend, so like, fuck you
So I'm staying single
My boyfriend called my parents to tell him-to tell them he was married
So I'm staying single
My boyfriend moved to England without telling me and I haven't seen him since
So I'm staying single)
Your name was
Craig.
So I'm staying-
Somehow in a live-in relationship now
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